Your Mechanic's Hand The Permission Remix
by lls-mutant
Summary: Simon's considering asking Kaylee to marry him. It's a big decision, and not one he wants to make without advice. A remix of n e star's Break Down.


"So then, after I managed to calm the horse, I still had to take her through the jumps. I don't know how I managed to stay in the saddle-"

"Was the horse really wearing a dress?" Kaylee asked.

"That's not what dressage means," Simon said, laughing. "I told you."

"I know. But you gotta admit, it's a lot funnier than the idea of making horses prance 'round fancy gates and the like."

The two of them were alone in the engine room, cuddled in Kaylee's hammock. It was warm and comfortable, and the hum of _Serenity_'s engine was now almost as soothing to Simon as it was to Kaylee. Kaylee had her boots off and was rubbing her toes against the bright fabric. Simon was still terrified to move much, for fear that he'd rock the hammock too much and send them both sprawling to the floor.

"I don't understand all this horse stuff," Kaylee was saying. "Even back home, I never really got it. Horses ain't so great."

"You're just saying that because they don't have engines," Simon teased.

"Well, yeah! Why else?" Kaylee sat up to retrieve her drink, took a long sip, and then settled back against Simon. "Were you any good?"

Simon considered that. "I could hold my own."

"Mmm. I bet. You're good at riding things." Kaylee tipped her head back and kissed his neck. Her kisses were messy, but in a good, uninhibited way. Simon closed his eyes and arched his head back, enjoying the experience thoroughly until Kaylee flipped over and began shimmying out of her coveralls.

"Wait," he said, panicked. "We're not going to… um…"

"Have sex? Sure, why not?" Kaylee said.

"Well, it's the engine room." Which was a dumb argument and Simon knew that. It was the middle of the night and no one would be back here. He decided he'd better be honest about the real problem. "And we're in a hammock."

"Yeah, well." Kaylee cocked her head and smiled that half-shy, half-sly smile that made his stomach turn over. "Be a little adventurous."

"But we could fall."

"So? We ain't gonna break anything."

She had a point. That was the thing about Kaylee. Kaylee wasn't careless, but she made him realize just how much worrying was second nature. She was right- the worst that could happen was that they'd fall out, and neither of them would be worse for the wear. Simon wrapped his arms around Kaylee and kissed her.

_Serenity_ had changed a lot in the past few months. Wash's death didn't hurt like it used to, but they all still felt it. Zoe especially. Of course. It would be foolish to think anything else, Simon thought.

It was hard not to admire Zoe, even though Simon was certain she didn't want admiration. Admiration was one step from pity, and no one was allowed to pity Zoe Washburne. So for the most part, he kept his thoughts to himself. But lately, that was getting increasingly hard.

Zoe found him one day down in the cargo bay, sorting through some supplies that had been brought on board. She joined him in the task, and to Simon's surprise, she actually was talkative. He never knew how they got on the subject, but at some point, they were talking about his parents.

"They are still together," he answered her question. "At least, they were when I left to go find River. Were they happy? That I don't know." He frowned as he thought about it. "I think they would say they were."

"Then they were." To Zoe, it was simple.

"I don't know that they were happy with each other, though." Simon struggled to explain it. "They were very stiff. Very formal." Zoe's gaze was so direct and intent that he blushed and looked away. "Not like me. With each other. I'm not so stiff in a romantic situation."

Zoe smirked. "That's not what I hear."

His blush deepened. "No, I mean… I guess…"

She let him off the hook. "No, I do see the difference," she admitted. "But one thing I've learned is that love don't always look like you think it will. Or, for that matter, like you want it to." She gave him a pointed look.

Simon stared back. "I am talking about my parents, not Kaylee."

"Never said you weren't."

"Right." Simon took a deep breath. "Was it hard? Being married to Wash while on the same ship?"

"Lot harder being married to him with him not on this ship." Zoe shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

Simon didn't answer; he just looked down. When he looked back, Zoe was smirking. He blushed. "I'm just asking," he said. "Making conversation."

"Right." Zoe mimicked his tone perfectly. She stood up, lifting the box of items bound for the kitchen. "If your parents weren't happy, they'd leave. You never know what happiness looks like for people." She shrugged and walked off. Simon sat on, thinking about all the things he'd been too shy to ask.

"Have you ever been married?"

Jayne looked up from his food with shock. "You talking to me?"

"Yes, as unbelievable as it sounds." Simon put his plate down on the table, a few places away from Jayne. "I'm asking you."

"Hell, no. What would make you ask that?"

"I was just curious. Believe it or not, I could envision a situation where it might be plausible." Shotgun weddings existed because of men like Jayne, after all.

Jayne snorted and shoveled another bite into his mouth. "Ain't no situation where it's- what was the word? – plausible. Ain't ever gonna be one, either, so don't you go getting ideas."

That made Simon stare for a long, disgusted minute, because the idea of sleeping with Jayne should be repulsive to anyone with the faintest notion of hygiene. "I won't," he promised, and picked up his chopsticks. "I was just asking."

Jayne just grunted.

"I'm just saying. Marriage. It's a big word."

"Well, Doc, you ain't ever had no problems with big words before." Mal seemed unconcerned.

"So… you would approve?"

Mal put his feet up on the console. "No. But it ain't me that needs to approve. That's up to Kaylee. And if she wants to marry some _jǐnzhāng de jiāhuo_ like yourself, I have a feeling I can't be stopping her."

"Because you respect her autonomy?"

"No, 'cause if she wants to, she'll just do it anyway." Mal snorted. He pointed to the other seat, and Simon sat down cautiously. "Look, son," Mal said, putting his feet on the floor and leaning forward. "I don't like the idea, and before you go thinking this is all about you, I didn't want Zoe to marry Wash, either. Ships ain't no place for stuff like this. So you've got to know, if this goes south, it's gonna be one hell of a mess, and we're all gonna leave you and Kaylee to clean it up."

"We can handle that," Simon said confidently. Mal looked skeptical, but he didn't argue. "So you approve?"

"Approve?" Mal flat-out laughed. "Hell, no. I think Kaylee's nuts and there's no accounting for taste. But I do think you'll treat each other right and maybe even be happy, and I guess that's all anyone can ask for in this world. But damned if it isn't gonna be hilarious watching you two _báichī_ make a mess of it in the meantime."

And that was as close to a blessing as Simon was going to get.

There was someone else who's opinion mattered. Someone who _had_ to be happy, not just mock him. If she wasn't, Simon would never be able to go through with this.

"River," he said, sitting down slowly across from her, his stomach tight with nerves. "I have something I need to ask you." River looked at him quizzically. "It's about… it's about Kaylee. And myself. And, well… you and I, we're family, right?" He reached out and took her hand. "And you know that whatever else comes, it will always be you and me together. I'll always be there for you."

"I know."

"But, well… I've been thinking about Kaylee, and we've been together for a while now, and-"

"You want to propose a union that some believe is a bridge between two souls and others believe is a legal necessity for the sharing of financial and emotional benefits."

"I wasn't planning on putting it quite like that, but yes. I wanted to ask her to marry me." Simon took a deep breath. "Would that be all right with you?"

River smiled- a simple, pure smile of joy. "What's been taking you so long?"

"So," Inara said when she found Simon at breakfast. "I hear that you're planning to ask Kaylee for her hand."

"How did you hear that?"

"A little bird told me." Inara was smug as she made her tea. Simon eyed her warily.

"You're describing Jayne as a little bird?"

Her laugh told him he'd guessed wrong as to who the traitor was. "Actually, it was Zoe. So, how are you going to do it?"

"I'm not sure," Simon confessed. "Nothing too fancy. It's not like I can take her to a four star restaurant on the Core. Nothing says 'spend your life with me' like a bunch of feds showing up to haul us away."

"Probably not."

"I thought about a picnic when we docked next, but I think that's three weeks away. If I wait that long, Jayne will have proposed for me. And that…."

"Would be a disaster," Inara agreed.

"I'm sure Kaylee won't mind if I propose in the engine room," Simon said wistfully. "But I'd like to make it somewhat special. Maybe a ring. But I have no idea where I could get one."

Inara thought for a minute, and then pulled off a ring she was wearing. It was simple, set with a single ruby, and worth a lot more than Simon could afford these days. "Take this."

"No, I couldn't…."

"As a stand-in, at least, until you can buy your own." She put it in his hand and closed his fingers. "Please. I would be honored if you used this one."

"But-" He wanted to protest, because really, it was too much, but something in her face stopped him. As much as he wanted this proposal to be just about him and Kaylee, it wasn't. Not really. _Serenity_ was a family, and this would change everything. "Thank you," he said instead. "I mean it. Thank you."

Inara just smiled.

He found Kaylee in the engine room, working on the secondary grav drive. She barely glanced up when he entered, but that was all right. He wanted to surprise her. Stiffly, awkwardly, he got down on one knee. That got her attention.

"Did you drop something?" If he hadn't been so nervous, he might have noticed how far away she sounded. Instead, he plunged on, because if he didn't say the words he'd turn around and run the other way before he could see her face, and he knew he'd regret that for the rest of his life.

"I realize this isn't the proposal I'd planned," he said. "And I realize that it is not the one you deserve. However, I hope this will not be too much of a shock. We've spent so much time together, and I…" _I love you._ The words were true, but they weren't what he'd planned there. "I would like to spend more. A lot more. So, I come here to this…" he looked around, trying to think of a way to make the engine room sound romantic, and gave up. "This engine room, to ask you a question. Kaywinnit Lee Frye, will you marry me?"

He expected her to drop her wrench, gasp in delight, and throw her arms around his neck. Well, not _expected_, but certainly hoped. She did nothing of the sort. Instead, she just continued with what she was doing, and said, "So, you finally got around to asking me, huh?"

"Asking you? I know we've been together for a while, but…" he expected her to clarify. She didn't. "I know it's taken me a while, but marriage is a big step. I wanted us both to be sure."

"And you're sure."

"Yes."

"Which is why you had to talk to everyone else before you asked me."

Oh. Oh no. Oh no no no no. "Kaylee-"

"No, I get it. You're a big city doctor, and I'm just a mechanic. You gotta make sure that you're doing the right thing."

"That wasn't-"

"Only, you could have asked me. You don't need Mal's permission, or Jayne's, or Zoe's. You don't need to be talking to anyone about it but me. And I can make up my own _lǘ tāmāde_ mind."

"You can. I know you can." This was _not_ how he'd pictured this going at all.

"So then, next time you want to ask me to marry you, you ask me yourself."

"Next time?" Panic rose in his throat. "You're saying no?"

"I'm not saying anything, because you didn't ask _me_."

"But I-"

"Now, you gonna hand me that wrench, or are you going to get out?"

He sighed and put the ring back in his pocket and handed her the wrench she was pointing at. The whole crew was going to hear about this, he was sure. Good thing he was used to humiliation.

He spent the night sulking, wishing he'd done the proposal differently. If he'd been able to carry out any one of his plans, it would have gone so much better. There would have been all the romance that Kaylee deserved. It would have been perfect. He was able to hold that illusion for the entire night, and until Kaylee suddenly broke down in tears and left the breakfast table.

"Go after her, dummy," River said, nudging him.

"I don't know if I should," Simon admitted. "I asked her to marry me last night." He didn't say the words _she didn't say yes_, but they hung there for everyone else to see. Zoe looked sympathetic. Mal looked resigned. And Jayne, as usual, completely missed the point.

"What did you go and do a thing like that for? She's still opening her legs for you, ain't she?"

Mal slapped Jayne upside the head, and Zoe elbowed him. It was a small comfort on a miserable morning, even if they were far more offended on Kaylee's behalf than they were on his own.

"Told you," Mal said once order had been restored.

"Did she really say no?" Zoe asked.

"She didn't say anything at all, really," Simon said. He opened his mouth to tell them exactly what she'd said, and then shut it again, because maybe that was the point. Maybe, if he was going to be married to Kaylee, he needed to talk about these things with her first, not them. It made sense why he'd turned to friends, and maybe if this wasn't _Serenity_ Kaylee would have felt different. But as it was, maybe he could see her point. "Yes," he said, looking down at his plate. "She didn't say anything at all."

Nobody believed him, of course, but they all got the hint just the same.

Kaylee was upset, but one of the things Simon loved most about her was she worked through things. She had a capacity for forgiveness- once she decided to forgive, that was- that amazed him. So a week later, they were back to normal, and back in the engine room, cuddled in the hammock.

"You know," Simon said softly, "we could stay like this forever."

"In the hammock? I thought you got motion sickness last time we did it here," Kaylee said, laughing.

"That wasn't exactly what I mean." Simon shifted her so he could see her better. "I meant you and me. Together."

"Really?"

"I know I made a mess of it last time," Simon said, "but that doesn't change the fact that I do want to marry you. I just tried to do it my way, and like usual, I made a mess of it."

"It wasn't that bad of a mess," Kaylee said. "So?"

"So what?"

"Are you gonna ask me again?"

"I don't know," Simon teased. "Do I have to get down on one knee?" Kaylee laughed and tickled his ribs, and Simon decided to stay in the hammock. Instead of getting down on one knee, he took her hand, and pulled out the ring Inara had given him. "Kaylee, will you marry me?"

"Yes," Kaylee said, and this time she was glowing. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him firmly. "Yes!"

He kissed her back, unable to believe his luck. It might not have been the perfect proposal, but it was the perfect answer.


End file.
